Are You Avoiding Yourself? Are You Avoiding Yourself?

How much time do you spend avoiding yourself?  Your immediate response was no doubt, "none."  Why would I avoid myself?  It seems like it would be impossible to do.  Yet, that is what many people do--avoiding.  Your life is comprised of everything you do--showering, brushing your teeth and sleeping, with everything in between.  However, there is often a plethora of busy work that distracts and keeps you from connecting with yourself.  Experiencing your life from the inside takes time each day to be alone and quiet in the presence of your soul.

Many people have not grasped that one's life is all there is.  Your life is not about your parents, siblings, spouse, children, friends, cars, house, clothes and things.  Your life is about your soul.  Yet, the majority of people seldom connect with their true essence.  As a result many people have stopped "being" and are merely walking through life with a "to do list" and a plethora of acquired "things" for which they can say, "Look at me, look at what I accomplished." The big house with the three car garage, the fancy car, vacations, country club membership and the list goes on.  This is not to say, that having the finer things in life is bad.  But what have you accomplished where it really counts--your emotional and spiritual growth?

There are many reasons why it is uncomfortable to sit with yourself--it is difficult to open yourself to your inner voice, which might question what you are creating with the choices you make. Your inner voice might remind you of things you want to keep hidden--even from yourself-let alone others.  Your inner voice might remind you of your inner yearnings--dreams that you have let slip away.

When you are feeling overwhelmed by your busy schedule, the idea of hearing your inner voice can seem to be more than you can stand.  However, your inner voice reflections the chords that connect you to your authentic self, and is the very thing that makes your life worth living.  When you continually avoid connecting with your inner voice you risk losing the very purpose of your existence this time around.

In order to begin the process of being present and less absent in your life, you need to set aside a few minutes each day to sit with yourself.  Sit with your self in a meditative or contemplative state.  Watching TV or a movie, reading a book or chatting on the phone does not count as spending time with oneself.  To avoid the avoidance, take time each day for self-exploration.  Being with yourself in an open way is very powerful and empowering.

After several weeks of practicing being with yourself, you will notice that you enjoy this time so much that you make less busy work and spend time at the center of your life, rather than avoiding yourself.

We always seem to want those things we don't have. Moreover, we are often convinced that if we had those things we want so badly, we would finally be happy.

Singles who want to be in a relationship often believe once they are in one they will finally be happy. Those in shaky relationships hope their relationship will work out, because having worked it out will finally make them happy.

"I will be happy when I am in love." "I will be happy when he/she does really loves me."  "I will be happy when I know he or she is committed to me."  "I will be happy when my husband/wife is more considerate."  Sound familiar?

The truth is that happiness is an attitude. It's not something created by outside circumstances, but instead is completely within your control.  This means that you can be happy regardless of whether you are in a relationship or not.  You can be happy regardless of whether your relationship is working out or not.  If fact, if you cultivate happiness, your relationship will improve.

You will not get that deep sense of satisfaction and happiness you crave just by getting or improving a relationship.  Nothing will give you that sense of happiness, unless you cultivate it consciously.

Is the glass half empty or half full?  Life and relationships work better when the glass is half full.  Below are some simple yet specific steps you can take to cultivate happiness and see the glass half full, regardless of your relationship status.

1. Be grateful
Create a sense of gratitude for what you have, for what is working, for what is wonderful and sweet in your life.  A morning or evening gratitude list, written each day, can do wonders for helping you feel grateful.

2. Take care of yourself
Identify the small things in life that make you feel good, and do one daily.  A short walk, a few minutes of writing in your journal, a short meditation, watching the sunset.  Whatever reminds you that you are a human being and not a human doing will improve your outlook on life.

3. Be creative
Creativity and self-expression generate happiness.  Schedule some creative time each day, even if it's just a few minutes of writing, painting, sculpting, etc.

4. Move
Moving our bodies generates feel-good hormones called endorphins.  Move a little every day to stay happy.

5. Get someone to take care of you
It feels good to be taken care of, even in small ways.  Get a massage, a manicure, someone to carry your groceries, launder your clothes, or fix something for you.

6. Read inspirational material
It helps to be reminded of positive thoughts and positive attitudes.  Get a small book of positive, inspirational thoughts and keep it by your desk.  Read one or two thoughts each day.

7. Contribute
Stand up for something that matters to you.  Contributing, making a difference feels good.  It boosts your self-esteem, your gratitude and feeling of well being.

8. Get some time
I know this one is hard, especially if you are a single parent.  But if you are determined, you can find some time every day to just be.  Make sure you do this - it will make a big difference in your ability to be happy.

9. Be in nature
Nature rejuvenates and restores the human spirit.  Whether your brand of nature is mountains or the ocean, give yourself the gift of visiting it frequently.

10. Be happy
No matter how many wonderful things you do to create a positive, happy, satisfied life, you could still end up unhappy.  Ultimately, happiness, gratitude, a feeling of satisfaction is a choice.  People often do not choose happiness.  Many feel refusing to be happy will somehow get them what whey want, like a child holding his breath.  Holding your breath will not get your what you want.  It is happiness that attracts.

''Car Empty On Gas, Driver Full On Faith''

'' I noticed a man walking away from a car parked along the side of the freeway. He seemed a bit distraught. It took me awhile but I managed to make my way back to the exit where it happened. I couldn’t find him on the road into town and gave up the search. Just as I was getting back on the freeway, he walked right by me. I rolled down my window and yelled over to him. “Excuse me, did you just have car problem on the freeway?”

“Yes, I did.”

“Would you like a ride?”

“Yes. I have to get to the gas station.”

He got in the car and thanked me for the ride. “I guess I need to start going back to church and study the Bible. I think God is helping me.”

“You think? Of course, God saw what happened to you, and alerted me to help you.”

“I like to study the Bible. I think I need to do that again.”

“Well go back to where you were studying the Bible.”

“Okay. I will do that. I‘ll go back to the Baptist church.”

“Do that. Go there. God cares about you and wants you to know that. We are here at the gas station. I don’t think stations have gas cans anymore but hope I am wrong. I will wait here while you get the gas and then I can drive you back up to your car.”

“Well the thing is I don’t have any money.”

Now that was interesting to me. Turns out my new freeway friend, Joshua, has a mental disability. His clothes were old and his shirt was torn. He had just come from Traffic Court in Modesto where he worked out a fix-it ticket. He had put on the best clothes he had. He hoped he had enough gas to get back home after court but he guessed wrong.

I thought of the situation we were now in and marveled at his demonstration of faith. I realized God was giving me an object lesson. All Joshua knew was two things. His car was out of gas and he needed gas. He walked from his stalled car directly to the station to get that gas. He had one small problem – no money, but not to worry about that now. Keep it simple and just get to the station. When you get to the station things will become clear.

I would have had a million thoughts about the process but my new friend, Joshua, just kept it simple. All of the worry that would have been running through my head walking from the car to the station would have not made a bit of difference when I arrived. I would have wasted my time strategizing, not believing. But Joshua just thought about his necessity and left the rest to whoever in the universe takes care of these things.

I could see I was just a bit player in all this. God had his purposes for Joshua and me. I was used to meet the needs of Joshua’s faith. Joshua’s simple belief that he would be taken care of at the gas station was used as an object lesson to teach me the value and power of simple faith

''The Gift of Caring''

Most of us spend our lives trying to escape from self-centeredness.  Maybe that's the whole point, the whole challenge, what the whole thing is all about.  Some of us succeed better than others.  It seems to me that the ones who have the most success are those who somehow turn self-caring into what might be called other-caring.

It takes courage to be an other-carer, because people who care run the risk of being hurt.  It's not easy to let your guard down, open your heart, react with sympathy or compassion or indignation or enthusiasm when usually it's much easier--and sometimes much safer--not to get involved.

But people who take the risk make a tremendous discovery:  the more things you care about, and the more intensely you care, the more alive you are.

This capacity for caring can illuminate any relationship:  marriage, family, friendships--even the ties of affection that often join humans and animals.  Each of us is born with some of it, but whether we let it expand or diminish is largely up to us.

To care, you have to surrender the armor of indifference.  You have to be willing to act, to make the first move.  Once at sunset my small daughter and I were watching the tide come in.  It was a quiet evening, calm and opalescent.  The waves sent thin sheets of molten gold across the dry sand--closer and closer.  Finally, almost like a caress, an arm of the ocean curled around the base of the dune.  And my daughter said, pensively, "Isn't it wonderful--how much the sea cares about the land?"

She was right, with the infallible instinct of childhood:  It was a kind of caring.  The land was merely passive--and so it waited.  But the sea cared--and so it came.  The lesson was all there in that lovely symbol:  the willingness to act, to approach, to be absorbed, and in the absorption--to be fulfilled.

Happy = Having A Positive Perspective (about) Yourself.

A happy or successful person is not someone who is living in a certain set of circumstances, but rather someone who is living with a certain set of attitudes.

The happiness of the next moment in life is determined by the decisions and thoughts of this moment in life. . . happiness is a state of mind depending on what you include and exclude in your thoughts in any moment.

Happiness is everywhere. Sometimes you just have to look around to see it.

Happy = Having A Positive Perspective (about) Yourself.

Happiness is where we look to find it.

Happiness is finding it where we look.

Happiness is in the perspective of the beholder. . . .

Finding peace and happiness doesn't depend on getting rid of all conflicts and problems in life. . . rather, finding peace and happiness depends on learning how to deal with those problems and conflicts and knowing how to rise above them to enjoy the good things.

What if:

. . . you worked as if you didn't need the money?

. . . you loved as if you had never been hurt?

. . . you gave as if you had never been taken from?  

How do you ''forgive'' ?

''First, look at the individual you’re forgiving (whether it’s yourself or another) in a different way—step back and put the positive first.  ''

Next, use that lesson to learn something positive about yourself as you move forward. Ask yourself: What lesson have I learned about myself and with what lesson am I moving forward?

In forgiving others, it’s important to realize that you’re not condoning poor behavior. You simply understand you can’t change what’s happened, and you accept there were lessons for you to learn in those experiences. You don’t have to necessarily like how you’ve learned those lessons, but you can come to a place where you’re grateful because you’re stronger. Those situations made you tougher, more aware, more conscious, and more capable. You can treasure the fact that you’ve learned so much.

Take all your experiences and become empowered by them. You can’t change them, but you can discover something of value in them. When you do, you’ll be able to extend forgiveness to yourself and others. You won’t carry the barriers and the weights of the past—you’ll be free. You’ll be free to grow into the best person you can be and to create the best life for yourself.

''People United To Make A Difference''

One year ago two lives were joined together with a common purpose. Both unaware of that purpose until conversations were exchanged. It was discovered both had a deep desire to make a difference in the lives of others. They desired to reach people right where they are. However, they knew that reaching the masses would be impossible without a divine plan. Baron Glass, and Melinda Thomas executed a plan to make this a reality. 

Mr. Baron Glass, Radio Show Host for The Smoking Glass Hour with Baron Glass, is the face and voice of a show that delivers inspiration, encouragement, and information to those who listen. Topics include, but are not limited to, politics, law, racism, voting rights, women’s rights, veterans affairs, helping the poor and homeless, education, health issues, and much more. Special thanks to a team of volunteers who dedicate time each week to help with this project, and to Mr. Ron Spikes of Waco 4 State Trail Ride Radio for allowing Mr. Glass to carry his show on the network for one hour per week.

A few months later, a platform was created to carry Mr. Glass’ message on a massive scale. WMAD, which stands for “We Make A Difference”, was born. WMAD is the all-new 24 hour global radio station. Together, we are now sharing the messages worldwide. The listener base has grown exponentially within this short period of time.

We encourage others to get involved in the Make A Difference campaign because we know that although people may have a desire to work or get involved in their own respective communities, there may be circumstances hindering some to do so. Our campaign allows everyone to get involved right from their own home by simply sharing the Make A Difference photos on social media.

People united together with determination, perseverance, and leadership can Make A Difference.

Get involved. Make A Difference.

Nobody Can Steal Your Dreams

Let no one steal your dreams

Let no one tear apart

The burning of ambition

That fires the drive inside your heart.

Let no one steal your dreams

Let no one tell you that you can’t

Let one hold you back

Let no one tell you that you won’t.

Set your sites and keep them fixed

Set your sights on high

Let no one steal your dreams

Your only limit is the sky.

Let no one steal your dreams

Follow your heart

Follow your soul

For only when you follow them

Will you feel truly whole

Set your sights and keeep them fixed

Set your sights on high

Let no one steal your dreams

Your only limit is tthe sky.

''It takes courage to be happy''

Do you live as if your cup were half full? How cognizant are you of the fact that what you say is directly correlated to the outcome you’ll get?

If you continually speak of your life as if you never feel good, things never turn out right, or nothing positive comes your way, you’ll more than likely end up being right. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that it takes courage to be happy. 

You can choose to take all of your experiences and channel them into your own reality show based on fear and anxiety, or you can think of all difficulties as opportunities for creating something new. Negativity is like a big black hole with slippery sides. Once you fall in, it takes a lot of effort to crawl back up.

Many people like the security of the darkness. So if you’re down there, you’ll have lots of company. However, when you decide to come back into the light, the others there won’t help you. They’re stuck in the quagmire and want you there with them, too.

It takes a lot of vigilance to be the guardian of your thoughts, words, and deeds; and you’re often at the mercy of years of conditioning that make you operate as if you’re on autopilot. When you use language such as If only, I wish, or I can’t, you’re dismissing the possibility of today. Why maintain the familiarity of the past or nurse a fear of the future? You may think it’s easier to stay in an unhappy relationship or job or maintain habits that don’t serve you, but ultimately you’ll suffer. In fact, it’s easier and takes less energy to fell good than it does to feel bad.

It’s never too late to put joy in your life!

When she was 80 years old, my Aunt Lizzie walked to the mirror and said, with tears in her eyes, "Oh!  Look at me, I’m so old, so ugly!"

How lucky she was, as she could still walk to the mirror, and see herself!

PUT JOY IN YOUR LIFE!  No matter how old you are, you can enjoy your world, you can learn to control your way of thinking.  You alone have the power over the way you see things.  My Aunt Lizzie could have been happier if she thought of herself as able to walk and to see - not only with her eyes, but also with her mind.

Our brain cannot concentrate on two subjects at the same time.  One thought:  I’m too old to drive - another thought:  I can walk to the store!  Which thought would be happier?

You may ponder:  my family doesn’t love me, they don’t visit me. But you could reason, I’m glad they’re doing so many good things.

Anyone can bring up assets that go unheeded.  They are so much part of our life that we don’t even notice them.

A word of caution: applying the principle of "positive thinking" sometimes distorts reality.  In order to appear optimistic, one says that the dinner was "wonderful,"  when it was salty and dull.  Or one feels "great" even dying of cancer.

The difference lies in seeing the good that is there and enjoying it, whereas the other lies in wanting to believe a reality that does not exist.

Easy to change?  Not at all.  Change is seldom easy.  For seniors it is very difficult.  We have been stuck in our patterns.  But change is always possible:  ONE THOUGHT AT A TIME.

Daily I write down what I’m grateful for.  Every morning I write five things I expect to accomplish -- it’s surprising how this simple method helps one’s morale!

Begin every morning thinking about your accomplishments.  You may think you did nothing special!  But didn’t you raise a family?  Isn’t that an accomplishment?  Of course it is!  What matters is the way you think about your life.

Think of all your good actions.  If you delve only into your regrets, you become sad and guilty.  You cannot change the past, you cannot control the future, but you can influence the present.  THIS DAY, THIS HOUR, THIS VERY MINUTE.

Most important, a positive attitude goes hand in hand with good physical health.  Good health makes you feel better, feeling better makes you more cheerful; people will visit you, and in turn, you’ll feel good, your health will improve, and your outlook in life will go up and up.  What a vicious cycle, a happy one!

That’s what I call a wonderful change in attitude.  Unfortunately, Aunt Liz never changed her way of thinking -- she never read this article!

Don’t despair because the results may not show up quickly, but your new awareness will occupy your mind in a positive way.  This consciousness will not allow room for negative thoughts.  In the end, persistence will pay off.

It’s never too late to put joy in your life!

"Celebrate!  Here’s to you!  Enjoy!"

Can we talk about forgiving? Why is it so hard to do?

Can we talk about forgiving? Why is it so hard to do? Forgiveness is a misunderstood notion. When I discuss forgiveness with my clients, there is usually a load of resistance and a need to express to me how I must not REALLY understand what happened or I would be recommending they beat the crap out of the offender, NOT forgive them! Trust me, forgiveness is for “us” not necessarily for “them”.

1. Commit to letting go. You aren’t going to do it in a second or maybe not even in a day. It can take time to get over something. So commit to changing, because you recognize that the pain is hurting you.

2. Think about the pros and cons. What problems does this pain cause you? Does it cause you unhappiness? Think of the benefits of forgiveness — how it will make you happier, free you from the past and the pain, improve things with your relationships and life in general.

3. Realize you have a choice. You cannot control the actions of others, and shouldn’t try. But you can control not only your actions, but also your thoughts. You can stop reliving the hurt, and can choose to move on. You have this power.

4. Empathize. Try this: put yourself in that person’s shoes. Try to understand why the person did what he did. Start from the assumption that the person isn’t a bad person, but just did something wrong.

5. Understand your responsibility. Try to figure out how you could have been partially responsible for what happened. What could you have done to prevent it, and how can you prevent it from happening next time? This isn’t to say you’re taking all the blame, or taking responsibility away from the other person, but to realize that we are not victims but participants in life.

6. Focus on the present. Now that you’ve reflected on the past, realize that the past is over. It isn’t happening anymore, except in your mind. And that causes problems — unhappiness and stress. Instead, bring your focus back to the present moment. What joy can you find in what is happening right now?

7. Allow peace to enter your life. As you focus on the present, try focusing on your breathing. Imagine each breath going out is the pain and the past, being released from your body and mind. And imagine each breath coming in is peace, entering you and filling you up. Release the pain and the past. Let peace enter your life. And go forward, thinking no longer of the past, but of peace and the present.

8. Feel compassion. Finally, forgive the person and realize that in forgiveness, you are allowing yourself to be happy and move on.
Being healthy is not always easy but always worth the effort.

Love yourself before all the rest.

The most meaningful lesson I learned from being at death’s door is that unless I love myself, nothing else in my life can function at its best. The amount of depth, meaning, and joy I experience in my life is in direct proportion to how much love I have for myself. The amount of love, kindness, patience I have for others is also directly proportional to how much love, patience and kindness I have for myself, because we cannot give others what we ourselves do not have. And, unsurprisingly, the amount of love, respect, support, and compassion I receive from others is also in direct proportion to how much of the same I have for myself.

Many of us are taught from a young age to “love our neighbors as we love ourselves”. But what if we don’t love ourselves? What if we are our own worst enemy, and our own harshest critic? If we treat others as we treat ourselves, then are we judging everyone else with the same harsh brush that we are using to paint ourselves? Is this why there are more people on our planet obsessed with trying to condemn anyone who is different, instead of learning to embrace everyone who shares our earth, and rejoice in our differences?

Learning to love others begins with learning to love ourselves unconditionally first. This seems to be a well-kept secret, which no one taught me as I was growing up. On the contrary, I was encouraged from a young age to put myself last, that it is selfish to love ourselves, or put ourselves first.  In fact, I used to give and give of myself, without tending to my own needs, to the point that I became so drained it started to affect my health. Continuing in this vein, I constantly believed that I needed to work on myself because I wasn’t good enough as I am. So I continued to work on being “better”, kinder, more “loving”, more “spiritual”. I was always judging myself because I never felt I made the mark.

And then I got cancer.  In fact, I didn’t just get cancer, I nearly died from cancer! But my cancer was the greatest gift I could ever have. Nearly dying taught me how to live. My cancer taught me the importance of loving and valuing myself unconditionally for who I am – a perfect being of the Universe, who is worthy and deserving of love, without needing to prove myself, better myself or change myself in any way. I became aware that I am someone who has a right to express my uniqueness with abandon.

Start building your happy memories today by choosing to be happy.

What is happiness? Let me share this little story with you .

A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o’clock, with his hair fashionably combed and shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today. His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready. As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, one of the staff members provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window.

“I love it,” he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy.

“Mr. Jones, you haven’t seen the room; just wait!!”

“That doesn’t have anything to do with it,” he replied. “Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn’t depend on how the furniture is arranged. It’s how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it. It’s a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do. Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I’ll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I’ve stored away. Just for this time in my life.”

Why not start building your happy memories today by choosing to be happy. Take charge of your thoughts today. It’s not your mind if you allow anyone and any media to fill it indiscriminately. It’s not your choice if you’re choosing between the options programmed for you to choose between. It’s past time to become the programmer of your own mind. To own happiness you must first get beyond all those negative thoughts and feelings that have been foisted upon you as a part and parcel of your enculturation.

Begin today by finding the good in all if it requires saying to yourself, “I can’t wait to see what good comes from this.” Hold onto that gratitude attitude and happiness will follow. Help another and the speed by which happiness arrives will be accelerated. Do a good deed every day and you will glue that happiness to you.

To let go is to open a door, and to clear a path and set yourself free.

To let go isn't to forget, not to think about, or ignore.  It doesn't
leave feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret.  Letting go isn't about
winning or losing. 

It's not about pride and it's not about how you
appear, and it's not obsessing or dwelling on the past. 

Letting go
isn't blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, and it doesn't leave
emptiness, hurt, or sadness.

It's not about giving in or giving up.
Letting go isn't about loss and it's not about defeat. 

To let go is
to cherish the memories, but to overcome and move on.

  It is having
an open mind and confidence in the future. 

Letting go is learning
and experiencing and growing. 

To let go is to be thankful for the
experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and made you grow.

It's about all that you have, all that you had, and all that you will
soon gain. 

Letting go is having the courage to accept change,
and the strength to keep moving. 

Letting go is growing up.  It is
realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy.

To let go is to open a door, and to clear a path and set yourself free.

Ways You Should Always BE.

You’re lucky enough to BE; make your being count.

Lose track of the negativity and dishonesty.  Live positively and authentically.

1. When you wake up to a new day, BE grateful for another chance.
2. When others take the easy road, BE the one who takes the right road.
3. When something must be done, BE proactive.
4. When several possibilities present themselves, BE decisive with your priorities.
5. When achieving something is important to you, BE open about it and go for it.
6. When the work seems overwhelming, BE concerned only with the next small step.
7. When worries cross your mind, BE sure to focus on what you can control.
8. When real problems arise, BE ready to address them upfront.
9. When mistakes are made, BE okay with them and learn from them.
10. When you have something to say, BE willing to speak up.
11. When what has been done in the past still isn’t working, BE the needed change.
12. When doubt is lingering in your mind, BE confident in your abilities.
13. When others have a different opinion, BE open to new ideas.

Love to hear what you think!